Humble origins

Our dearly departed Leader was the pin up boy for New Labour; fêted by the party as a future First Minister. One of his last engagements was a meeting with Comrade Supreme Leader Brown. We will never know what passed between them, but shortly after, he announced his resignation.
Our comrade Supreme Leader Brown is, as we all know, of very humble origins. Brought up in a miner’s cottage, the family of six slept in one bedroom. As they had no running water, they took turns to bathe in a nearby river. There is a Tory smear which says he injured his eye in a rugby match; we all know he would never have played such a decadent upper class game. Actually his injury was sustained saving the life of an injured miner after an accident in the pit. There are further scurrilous Tory accusations that he attended University and was parachuted into a safe Labour seat.

Of course, our comrade Supreme Leader has been financially astute. He very cleverly spotted the bottom of the gold market and sold the country’s gold reserves at that time. During my career in the financial markets I now recognise my wrong thinking. I have in some cases bought shares at low prices and sold them at a profit.
He also, very cleverly, set up a new system for monitoring the banking industry, and we owe him a huge debt for that. Due to his careful scrutiny, they did not get involved in any hanky panky. As Chancellor of the Exchequer, he abolished boom and bust, and in no sense was he responsible for the reckless lending of some banks. If two Scottish banks over extended themselves and lent money to all and sundry, can he be held accountable? That was the fault of the Americans, with whom we have a special relationship.